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OUAT fic: "The problem with advice, at a bar"

Title: The problem with advice, at a bar.
Author: Keenir.
Summary: "I am Sauron the Mighty and Despaired!"
(not everyone found Charming's speech useful)
Rating: PG-13.
Written after: 2.02
Characters: Belle, Rumplestiltskin, Sauron, a lion deity.
Spoilers for the final episodes of season 1 and for 2.02; coda to 2.02.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why are we here?" Belle asked when Rumplestiltskin stopped their walk through town in front of a bar. I thought we were going to reopen the library - as it wasn't one of King Charming's priorities.

"Just to check in on an old acquaintance. You can wait out here if you like," Rumplestiltskin said; "nobody will bother you."

But she went in with him anyway.

"Better not be expecting service," the bartender warned.

"And why is that, Aslan?" Rumplestiltskin asked.

"Don't call me that."

"Why not? Bad memories?"

Ignoring him, "You can drink, little girl. Sorry the only chair's next to this one," with a faint gesture at the man drinking alone at the bar.

"It's okay," Belle said, stepping forward, and was about to ask for a -

"No further," the drinker said to her. "You shall not pass - just go around me."

Belle smiled. "I'm Belle, and you seem to already know -," Belle said.

"Speaking from personal experience, girl, avoid rings. They are useful for a time, but then they stand by while you die."

O-kay... "Can I ask your name?"

"Not now, dearie," Rumplestiltskin whispered to her.

"Now, now, now is fine," said the man at the bar. In a booming voice, he declared, "I am Sauron the Mighty and Despaired!"

"I'm sorry you -" Belle started to say.

"-were brought across worlds and summoned to your dear's presence?" Sauron finished. "-was bottled away when I could not present your dear's son to him?"

Rumplestiltskin's son is alive? Or...how long have you been his prisoner? Belle wondered. "I'm -"

"Do not dare be sorry, little girl!" Sauron warned. "I have done far worse to my enemies. I have done worse to my subordinates."

"What about your friends?" Belle asked.

Rumplestiltskin looked at her, then at him, curious.

Sauron found the question absolutely hilarious. With a wave of his hand, an empty glass landed on the bar in front of Belle. "A glass of water for the girl, Aslan."

"Do not call me that," the bartender growled.

"I will obey only when I can forget," Sauron replied. To Belle, "Once, we were lords of our respective worlds. Now, we are trapped in a realm whose magic barely permits us to summon beverages."

"I'm sorry, was there a request in there somewhere?" Rumplestiltskin asked.

"That's not nice," Belle hissed at him.

"I was content when I believed myself to be Hans Vader, Storybrooke's garbageman," said Sauron. "Now..." and waved his hands fruitlessly, then took another long drink from his beer.

"I'm curious - has he ever passed out?" Rumplestiltskin asked the bartender.

"Only while human."

"I see. Quick question," Rumplestiltskin said to the bartender.

"Ask."

"Who exactly is the décolletage for? I mean, you don't exactly have a full house in here."

"It's for me," said the bartender, who had once been Bastet and Sekhmet. "Tread carefully, girl," she warned Belle advisedly.

"You're not happy here," Belle observed.

"As observant as the Whites," Sekhmet said.

"But if you're not happy, why don't you - both of you - go do something you want to do?"

"Yes, yes,, we heard recitations of your king's speech," Sauron said. "It is easy for a little creature to do whatever they want. Gods do not have that luxury."

"Or that desire," Sekhmet said.

"So you're just going to stay here and be miserable?" Belle asked.

"The lady has a point," Rumplestiltskin said.

Sauron and Sekhmet looked at each other for a minute, then he stepped off his barstool and she leaped over the bar-top, landing next to him. "You have a point," Sekhmet told Belle. "We will seek a way to return to our homes."

"And when we do," Sauron said, "we will bring our armies to the ruins of your world."

"And may the best man win," Rumplestiltskin said once the both of them had left the building.

Belle looked at him. "You...want them to find the world we came from?"

"Oh no," Rumplestiltskin assured her. "I want them to leave. I can lock the door after them." But let Regina and Charming deal with their sorry mugs for a while. Should be fun. "Mi'lady, your library awaits," Rumplestiltskin said with a flourish and a bow, presenting her his arm.

She considered it...and she accepted. "Lead on, Macduff."

"What?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the end.

(editted - added one line)
Tags: belle, once upon a time, once upon a time fanfiction, rumplestiltskin, sauron
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